


open up my eyes (tell me i'm alive)

by lyannasstark



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Unbeta'd, canonverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-20 04:56:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3637536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyannasstark/pseuds/lyannasstark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellamy Blake didn't exactly know when he started falling for Clarke Griffin. What he did know was when he realized it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	open up my eyes (tell me i'm alive)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I know my writing skills need work but I really wanted to share this fic so here you go. Hope you like it! And thanks for taking the time to read it.
> 
> Song: Believe by Mumford & Sons

Bellamy Blake didn't exactly know when he started falling for Clarke Griffin. What he did know was when he realized it. It was when Clarke decided he should go and be the inside man. It was what he wanted. He wants to help his friends and he knew he could do it.

When they had set off for the grounder camp, he had comforted her, telling her it was the right thing to do. She saved Finn from 18 deaths. What she did was mercy. But she replied with, _“Now I have to live with it.”_ Bellamy thought of how much she had changed, from being the privileged princess he despised to being the survivor and leader he admired. He never thought she could make the hard choices until the time she mercy-killed Atom.

He told her he could be the inside man, the eyes and ears. She had said no. _I don’t take orders from you_ , Bellamy thought. And he said as much to her.

_I can’t lose you too, okay?_ Clarke had said.

That sentence had given him pause. Over the time they’d been together, they had learned to respect each other’s opinions but it still shocked him. He never thought she’s say that to him. He also never thought he would want to reply with, _I can’t lose you too, Clarke._ But he kept his mouth shut. He had only ever shown affection to his sister. And the idea that he wanted to show affection to Clarke still made him uncomfortable so he went back to walking in silence.

***

_“First, we need an inside man. You were right. Without someone on the inside to lower their defenses, turn off the acid fog, an army is useless. You should go,”_ Clarke had said when they heard the voice of their friend on the radio.

This confused him. All day Clarke saying she can’t lose him repeated in his head over and over. So he said, _“I thought you hated that plan. That I would get myself killed.”_

_“I was being weak. It’s worth the risk.” Yes, Princess, me getting killed is worth the risk._ He didn't want to leave her while she was still hurting. But he thought rationally and he knew he should do this so he accepted the map Clarke held out for him.

After that, he went to a place where he could be alone and sat there and stared up at the stars. And that’s where it hit him. It wasn't anything special, he was just sort of thinking about general thing and his thoughts drifted to Clarke and he knew.

***

First time he saw her again, he was so happy and relieved. He was looking at her while he was hugging Octavia. He was relieved Clarke and O were safe. But their army was gone and they needed to move fast. No time to sort out his feelings, no time to hug Clarke. People are dying.

***

_“I think we deserve a drink.”_ And they did. They couldn’t save everyone but they saved their people. He knew what they did to the mountain men was atrocious but it had to be done. They were going to move on from it. They’ll get through it, Bellamy and Clarke. And he said this to her.

_“I’m not going in,”_ she said. He felt his heart break into a million pieces. She couldn’t do this, she couldn’t.

__**So open up my eyes  
Tell me I’m alive  
This is never gonna go our way  
If I’m gonna have to guess what’s on your mind**

_“Look,”_ he said, echoing her words. _“If you need forgiveness, I’ll give that to you. You’re forgiven.”_ He really did forgive her. Clarke had forgiven him for the 300 people killed in the Ark and she had talked to Jaha to pardon him from his crime.

_“Please come inside.”_ Please stay, Clarke.

__**I don’t even know if I believe  
I don’t even know if I believe  
I don’t even know if I wanna believe  
Everything you’re trying to say to me**

_“Take care of them for me,”_ she said.

He spoke her name, trying to persuade her not to leave. She couldn’t do this to him, to her friends, to her mom. But she interrupted him, saying she’ll just get reminded of what she did to those mountain men.

_”What we did,”_ he told her. _“You don’t have to do this alone.”_

_I told you we’ll get through this. Together, remember? I’m here. We both pulled that lever. You don’t get to take the blame all for yourself when we did it together._

Bellamy can see she was trying not to cry, looking out to the people, to her mom, to her friends. She said, _“I bear it so they don’t have to.”_

He wanted to dissuade her from leaving. He wanted to say a lot of things but Clarke already made up her mind and there was no way of changing it now. So he asked instead, _“Where are you gonna go?”_ And she replied with, _“I don’t know.”_

__**Say something, say something  
Something like you love me  
Less you want to move away  
From the noise of this place**

He couldn’t mask the emotions running through him as he looked at her. Disappointment, regret, hurt and love.

She kissed him on the cheek and hugged him. He was almost crying by this time but he wouldn’t let himself. He hugged her tightly, fearing that this may be the last time he sees her.

_“May we meet again,”_ she said, her voice thick with the sob she won’t let free. She pulled away and walked away from him.

He looked at her for a long time before muttering, meaning every word because he wanted it to be so true, _“May we meet again.”_

_I love you_ , is what he doesn't say.


End file.
